dutchster:

"this pizza is gonna go straight to my butt" i say as i grab the pizza and slap it against my butt

(via lubricates)

the-arena-ballerina:

neptunain:

christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”

"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"

(via lubricates)

singingsh0wtunes:

subway sure doesn’t mess around when it comes to puns

(via sprinkleofglitr)

cali4niabullets:

THIS IS SO WELL DONE IT SCARED ME

cali4niabullets:

THIS IS SO WELL DONE IT SCARED ME

(via ruinedchildhood)

penguintim:

"America is a land of freedom!!11!!"

image

(via ruinedchildhood)

drunktrophywife:

*moaning* what’s ur credit card number

(via dulect)

“My only regret is that
I didn’t tell enough people
to fuck off.”
— My 92 year old grandma. (via lipstickbabe)

(via battle-mylove)